In my eyes


In disguises no one knows

To say I was kicked in the gut this morning is an understatement.  Fucking pummeled.  Over and over again.  I got through my day concentrating on the records I’m in the middle of, but as I walked through my door and started listening to album after album, it really sunk in.

Mr. Cornell was an artist.  And having had recently moved from the east coast to the panhandle of Texas, “Superunknown” spoke to an adolescent alien trying to make his way through a cloud of “you talk/look/act funny.”  Those songs showed me I wasn’t alone.  Music kept my demons at bay and at 15 years old, screaming lyrics and cruising through cotton fields was sometimes the only solace anyone could ever find.

Times are gone for honest men

And sometimes far too long for snakes

As life has a tendency to do, everything changes.  You leave one set of surroundings for another.  People come and go.  Mistakes of yesterday become the learned lessons of today.  But what never seems to change are those demons.  Those insecurities.  Those fears.  Those soul-draining voices/vices that stop you in your tracks.  And again, music was there.  Fearing I was the only one going through this, music reminded me I wasn’t.

In my shoes

A walking sleep

And my youth I pray to keep

And as time goes by, life gets harder.  Is it more responsibilities?  The fear of gained knowledge?  Maybe the passage of time is directly proportionate to the weight of a loss?  It could possibly be all of that and then some.  But I do know all of these feed the demons.  They feast as our mind famines.  And maybe the things we turned to in our youth to help us beat the demons (i.e. music) just can’t seem to cut it anymore.  They might take us back to a special place, but sometimes that just isn’t enough.

Help.  We may not want to admit it, but we all need it.  And that’s the thing.  There is help.  You are not alone.  Remember.  YOU.  ARE.  NOT.  ALONE.  I know the weight of the world is debilitating.  I know you feel like there’s no where to turn.  I know the demons are telling you all the things you wish you couldn’t hear.  And I know you can’t fight it alone.  But remember, you are not alone.  There’s help.  There’s people to turn to.  The battles might not be in your favor, but you don’t have to lose this war.

Talk.  Reach out.  Do not sink into yourself.  I know how difficult it is, but it’s not impossible.  As a musician we have wonderful organizations like SIMS, helping those of us in need.  There are countless other places we all can turn to.  Please.  Just please.  Click.  Call.  Get help.

Today we lost someone who literally changed the musical landscape of the world.  I don’t know where that 15-year-old Texas transplant would be if he hadn’t listened to “Superunknown,” but I’m sure glad Chris was there to give him and the rest of the planet that album and countless others.  And he reminded us, we are not alone.

I love you all.

Heaven sent hell away

No one, sings like you anymore

About adamjodor

I record. I produce. It's analog. I jump through stages with a Thunderbird (sometimes a P-Bass). I like good Thai food. I love Stacey.
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